What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
