I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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