worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
