haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
