I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize