my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
