how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
