She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
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