shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
