I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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