I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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