You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
