These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
