Your tits are I can't wait for
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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