I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
