You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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