Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
