you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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