Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
