I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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