I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
