How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
