Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
