You just made me feel so damn special
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
