1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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