My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
