I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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