so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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