I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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