I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I checked into jail on foursquare
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
