He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
