When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
