i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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