so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
