halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
