You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
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