Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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