i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
