..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
