sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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