I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
