I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
