HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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