think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
