Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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