the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
