yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
