I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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