I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I have aggressive nipples.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
