a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
