I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
